The Journal Of Harry Potter
by Lokia
Summary: A look at the Crueler side of Harry. He is darker, wiser, more cunning and insane. Look at the real Harry Potter, not the ones that Dumbledore made him seem to be.
1. Introduction

I do not own Harry Potter.  
  
Introduction to my Journal;  
  
For eleven years, I've been nothing but the skinny little boy who was Dudley's gang's favorite punching-ball. The vulnerable one, the youngest in my class, the odd one around whom strange things kept happening. The social reject. The friendless one.  
  
And they teased me, about my oddness, my loneliness, my built, my hair, my eyes, my scar, my self . and they hit me, they hurt me, and they left me alone, in a dark corner of the playground, alone, alone, alone . Not crying, just staring, staring at them retreating, at their laughing faces and answering them, taunting them back, cruel, harsh words, meant to hurt and wound, and I wasn't sorry, and they hated me, and I hated them back, and they enjoyed themselves with my helpless fury, they despised me for my inability to fight back, for the lack of love in my heart, the lack of love it received. And I hated them, and my eyes showed it, and they laughed. My classmates. And nobody cared.  
  
For eleven years, I sat back and let them do, let them beat me to the ground, but they never got the last word. That's why. When they could not find any comeback, that's when they'll start hitting. And I knew it. And I kept mocking them coldly, heartlessly, as if wanting to get thrown down, taunting the pain. And I struggled everyday to surface. Then I had to fight with my own weapons; Hatred, cynicism, sarcasm and scorn.  
  
And I felt the power rushing through my veins, the heat inside my fingertips, a strange feeling of bliss, forgetting everything else, just the power, the power behind my eyes, in my forehead, in my hands, rising in my body, asking to get unleashed, to be set free, wanting to show, meant to be used, changing me, and I felt it for a second and then I was back to being the little boy nobody wanted. And I knew not what to do with it.  
  
And there were those people, dressed in strange outfits, really. Pointed hats, and long robes of different colors. Queerest of all, I seemed to be the only one to see them. The others didn't even wink. Those people, they never talked. They smiled at me, they sometimes shook my hand, patted my hand, always smiling. And then they vanished. And I was not afraid for I didn't know who they were I knew what they were. They were friends, so I thought.  
  
Now I know. I know, for I am Harry Potter. I'm the Boy who Lived.  
  
Yesterday, I was here. I was considered a hero, surrounded by friends, always willing and eager to help me. I wad popular, well perhaps not with the Slytherins, but then it's their fault. I knew a lot more about my parents, and also about myself. Everyone around me is happy, laughing, joking, and so was I.  
  
I am well protected, I am special, even among those of my own kind. Perhaps I'd rather not be, and just be normal, but there always are people here to support me, so I thought.  
  
Now I see. They were there to make sure I never strayed. They were there to be protected; they were there because I was The Boy-Who-Lived. They felt I was the thing they needed to get rid of the Darkness. To bring them into the light, that is who I am, all I was supposed to be. But when that is done? Who am I? What am I supposed to do with my life when they don't need me anymore? When I am just Harry? I will be forgotten, or thrown in Azkaban.  
  
They thought they were the only ones with a façade. Now they know, I am the biggest player of The Game they will ever see, and never get to know.  
  
Who am I? I am not The Boy-Who-Lived anymore, nor the Golden Boy. To be those you must be an idol, someone who the presses are ready to mark as a hero before the whole world. Not someone who hangs around Slytherins, not someone who cursed out their Headmaster in front of the whole school. Not one who will accuse 'The most powerful Wizard in the world' of doing the 'unthinkable.'  
  
Who am I? I am a Slytherin in Gryffindor's clothing. I am the Game Master. I am the Mask Wearer. I am the Snake in The Lion's den. I am unseen, and marked as a non-threat until I snap at their heels injecting my poison.  
  
Who am I? I am Harold James Potter, The Infamous.  
  
A/N: Word Count: 778 Not a lot, but would you write 3,000 words per journal entry? Well this is just the introduction. AS time goes on he will be sort of insane. This is a re-make The real one was written by (Heir of Darkness) titled (I'm the Boy Who Lived.) 


	2. Entry 1

Journal of Harry Potter.  
  
I don't Own Harry Potter or anything else in here.  
  
I'm Harry Potter. Also known as the Golden Boy, This is a JOURNAL of my feelings and that type of crap. I got the idea from Riddle. After I die people will know what it was REALLY like to be Harry Potter. The Golden Boy, The-boy-who-lived.  
  
The Golden boy? How in the hell do people come up with these names? What am I a fucking Super Saiyain? Am I going to go around flying? Blowing up Deatheaters with ki beams? Defeating Voldemort with a Kamehameha? Cutting Draco in half with a Destructo Disk? I wish.  
  
No I really do wish I could. Then I could blow this fucking Earth up. Taking all the badies with it. That's what I'm supposed to do right? Rid the world of Darkness? Well there is no Darkness in Death. Its just nothingness. Sometimes I think that is the only way out.  
  
The Boy-Who-Lived. Come on? Can't get anymore original huh? Oh and what a life I have. WHAT A LIFE!! A God father who is a convicted murderer and a dog. Literally. A man who wants me dead FOR NO REASON!! CAN'T HE TAKE A BLOODY HINT?? Get over YOURSELF!! My 'family' that beats me and rapes me. Yes, they rape me. Vernon found out Petunia was cheating on him. And Decided to cheat on her with me. Sick son of a bitch. My mother would roll over in her grave-wait she already is. She is a rolling and a moaning cause of what the life I have. She is probably thinking it would have been better for her to keep her life and let me die. It would be better than this hell whole I live in now.  
  
My best friends. The know-it-all, and Mr. I don't get enough attention. YOU WANT ATTENTION RON?! I wonder what Ron will do to get that Attention. He wants it so badly he can have it. All of it, I don't' want it. I don't want people to stare at me when I walk. I don't want people staring at my scar all the time. ITS JUST A SCAR!! I have plenty others! Ron wants the attention that I have huh? Well then this is what you have to do. First your parents must put their lives on the line every day as an Auror. Then they must have aggravated Voldermort or any current Dark Lord so badly that he wanted to destroy you WHOLE family line. Then you must allow Voldermort to kill, your Dad, Sister, Brother, Brother, Brother, Brother, and Brother. Then your mom must willingly sacrifice her life for yours. You will be sent to live with someone you will hate and Voula instant fame..  
  
To You Mrs. Hermione-I-should-have-been-in-Ravenclaw-but-couldn't-because- they-would-have-thrown-me-out-know-it-all. Well let me tell you something you don't know everything. You are a snobbish HAG when you want to be- and when you don't want to be. You need to learn to keep your nose where it doesn't belong. I DO THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!! Why can't you and Ron see? But know its just Harry you should have told us, Harry were your friends, Harry we could have helped. NO YOU CAN'T!! YOU CAN'T HELP BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! NO ONE DOES!!  
  
No one at that school can imagine my emotional turmoil. NO ONE!!! No one understands because they have never lived it. They may feel sympathy, and pity. Keep It, I DON'T WANT IT!! There are a few out there in this world. That actually makes my life seem like it is worth something.  
  
Eminem for one. Yes, I Harry Potter aka, Boy-Who-Lived, and the Golden Boy listens to the 'horrid' music's of Eminem. So he curses a lot who gives a _? I sure don't. That's the only way he can get his point across. Well I mean come on, since when does the word crap have enough feeling to compare to the word shit.  
  
Man at least my mom actually loved me and gave her life for me. His mom sued him cause he told the truth about her. And his wife? Don't even get me started..  
  
Ginny-I'm sorry But I can't be your superman. Can't be your Superman, Your Superman, Your Superman.  
  
First thing you say, " I'm not phased. I hand around big stars all day. I don't see what the big deal is anyway your just plain old Harry to me." Oooo That's right girl run that game. "Lily Evens I love that name. Love that Tattoo what's it say? Death to All..uh That's great."  
  
First of you don't know Harry. So don't at all grow marry. That ammo for my arsenal, I'll slap you off that bar stool. Oops there goes my very first lawsuit. Leave handprints all across you..  
  
Its over, Its over now, move over its my turn now, its over. The games shut down. SORRY!  
  
Eminem? My faves are Cleanin Out my Closet, Hailey's Song, and uh-Superman.  
  
Next on the list is Tupac, his music and his poetry. They have inspired me to write my own.  
  
If I Fail-  
  
If I fail in my quest to achieve my goals.  
  
If I stumble and crumble and lose my soul  
  
Those who read this would easily co-sign  
  
That there was never a life as hard as mind  
  
No mother-No father-No chance-No guide  
  
I only follow my voice inside  
  
If it guides me wrong and I do not win  
  
I'll learn from mistakes and try to achieve again.  
-Rewritten By Harry Potter  
A re-make to Tupac Shakur's If I Fail  
  
That's one thing Tupac can do get me out of angry mode and get me into self- depression * snap * Just like that.  
  
WELL NOT THIS TIME!! As you can tell I am enraged. Well you can find more about that later now I'm moving onto Draco. Most of you are expecting crude and rude remarks about Draco right? Wrong,  
  
Draco Malfoy thank you. Thank you for treating me like scum. Thank you for letting me vent my anger out at you. All those years I never knew, when you saw me moaping or when ever I was down. You would make me vent my anger to ward you. So that I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself. Yeah hurt MYSELF. I sink into depression a lot, a lot, a lot. Well this is to you Draco. DON'T YOU EVER FEEL SORRY FOR ME AGAIN!! So my parents are dead, you didn't care. I am raised by Muggles, You didn't care. But when you saw I was physically abused your eyes shown pity. Next time you do that I will personally hand you over to Voldemort and tell him you are a spy.  
  
Would you like to know why I am enraged? I promise you won't like it. All those years of thinking Dumbledore really cared about me. NOT!!! He was just using me; he had a personal grudge against Voldermort. He used all of us and now in my opinion he is worst than Tom Riddle. Tom never pretended to be what he was not. He never was one way and showed another, he was always ruthless, and cruel. Others just didn't see it. Now I have a hand cramp, write more soon. I promise I will have more to say another day.  
  
A/N I think I went overboard just a tad. This was basically bent up frustrations Harry has. He holds it in, until finally something comes out and it just blows. The thing with Dumbledore was the icing on the cake. Harry flipped, he might even be insane now.  
  
Anyway I might have gone OOC but really when you don't know the background and what cause it you can never tell what really sent him over the edge. Take that you people who were gonna flame. Yes, there will be more. 


End file.
